I can't bring myself to hate you
by The Deceiving Maiden
Summary: Sigmund Memory 60 Min Challenge, Day 4: I can't bring myself to hate you. Neil locked himself in his room, assuming to Eva now hated him for what he was up to. It took until Eva nearly kicked his door down to realise she didn't.


**Deceiver: I'm such a RosaWatts Trash OTL Sorry for the lateness!**

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 **I can't bring myself to hate you**

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Neil knew someday this would happen.

He didn't want it to ever occur, but it did anyway. Eva found out what he was up to, and it felt like the world came crushing down on him. After the initial shock, and before she could say anything, Neil bolted out of the door of his office and drove straight home. He ignored all her calls and messages, even the ones from Roxanne and Robert. Because he just didn't want to face anything right now.

He never wanted Eva to know what he was up to. Afterall, she was the only one ever to be so close to him, other than his late-grandfather. He wanted to preserve this small friendship they shared between them, never wanting to screw it up and make her abandon him. Sure he was annoyed her to no end, but he knew sometimes she enjoyed arguing back to prove herself right. And that was alright. As long as she enjoyed being around him, and not hating him, Neil was fine with being the clown with an oblivious grin on his face, as long as Eva stayed as his friend.

But now that was ruined. Neil was sure right now she was still trying to call him to yell his head off for what he was doing behind her back all this time. And if he wasn't picking up at all, she would send him angry texts to get his attention. But Neil put the phone on silence. And his home phone was now off the hook. He just didn't want to face Eva's wrath. Ever.

Without warning, there were rapid knocking at the door, making Neil jump and almost fall out of his bed. He could hear the door knob rattling, making Neil feel dread at the bottom of his stomach as he had an idea on who it was. Slowly draping himself within his blankets, Neil carefully got off his bed to at least lock the door to his bedroom as the front door opened.

"Neil!?" At once Neil dove back into his bed as Eva rushed into his home. Of course he forgot she had the spare keys to his apartment and would come here at any moment. And because he was an idiot, he forgot to put up the chain at his front door. And of course, she was at the front of his bedroom door.

The door knob to his room rattled a bit. "Open up, Neil."

"Go away," at this point, he really couldn't find the point to pretend to not be at home.

"I'm not leaving. And don't you dare try to climb out the window to escape." There was a sigh as Eva tried to open the door again. Neil just cowered under the covers as she went on. "Just…Neil, for pineapple's sake, open the damn door!"

"And be told off by you? No thank you," Neil curled up more in his bed. "Just leave me be already. Why did you come here to begin with?"

There was silence. Neil was sure Eva had given up since she had nothing to say. He even dared to peek his head out from under the covers, only to jump right out of bed when Eva kicked the door. _Hard._

"Why did I… _Why did I come here to begin with!?_ " Neil scrambled on the floor for his glasses. "What kind of _stupid_ question is that!?" More kicks to the door and _God_ Neil swore Eva was going to kick the door down. "You made me worried about you over what you did behind my back and wonder why the & ($ did I come here!?"

Neil winced at each kick she delivered, hiding more now as she continued. It gradually died down though, slowly becoming quiet knocks at the door as he could barely hear "Didn't you ever trust me?"

Neil blinked at the words, staring at the door for a moment as Eva continued to stand there and knock at it. "I did…" he said softly. "Of course I did. And I still do. But I never wanted you to know what crap I was doing to myself with the machine…" He curled up a bit on the ground. "Figured you'd hate me for it…"

There was a sad laugh. "Idiot…As if I can't bring myself to hate you…" Neil watched the door as he listened to her. "Trust me…sometimes I want to…but I can't…we've known each other since forever, so why should I hate you over…this?" Another moment of silence enveloped them. "I am mad at you for not letting me know about this…and let Roxie and Rob know instead…I will hate you on that part…"

"Called it…" Neil found himself saying, but Eva went on. "But I will not hate you for everything else. I am mad, but that is all. And I don't want you to hide away so much…aren't we supposed to be the bestest detective or whatever you like to call ourselves? Don't hide your secrets from the partner who trusts you…"

Neil's heart clenched at her words. And he really, really hated himself for putting her through this. Quietly, he crawled over to the door, slowly reaching out to unlock it so then he could open it. Eva was on the floor, trying hard to not let herself cry once they finally saw each other.

"Sorry…" he managed to say as Eva reached out to hug him, causing him to fall back onto the floor with her. Neil didn't say anything but hold her close too, wanting to say more, but still too scared to as well. He just hoped she could understand what he was trying to convey right now, and that he was thankful that Eva didn't hate him to the point leaving him.

And that was enough.


End file.
